Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
