she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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