i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
