Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
