I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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