I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
