I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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