Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
