did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
