I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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