Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
