Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
