I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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