cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Randomize
