I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
