Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
