Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
