I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
