On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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