He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
