okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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