I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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