I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
