I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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