I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
try to milk me bitch
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