This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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