C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
