Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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