Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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