Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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