I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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