I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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