Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
