Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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