let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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