We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
