It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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