I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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