I'm eating all of the evidence.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
