when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
