So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
