uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
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Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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