Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
