Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
