Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
