Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
