dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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