found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
