sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
