We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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