This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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