He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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