i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
