cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
