They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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