my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
