Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
