someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
