just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
