You're completely useless in the revolution.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
