Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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