Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
