I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
