Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
